


Chasing Picket Fences (Re-write)

by magos186



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Infant Death, Pre-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magos186/pseuds/magos186
Summary: Dean has been leading a double life for four years: The life of a hunter and one he kept secret from his family. But in less than a month, both lives are torn apart as his secret is exposed.This is a re-write of my story Chasin Picket Fences. I've changed my OFC's name and various other bits.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So for the past while, I've wanted to do a re-write of Chasin Picket Fences where things happen differently in the beginning. As you can see I've added a tag for infant death, and there is a warning at the beginning of that chapter as well. I didn't want to spoil that, but it's a trigger warning that needed to be added. This story is pre-series. Let me know what you think. It's been a long time since I wrote anything.
> 
> Title taken from Christian Kane's Different Kind of Knight, which was the inspiration for this story.

Dean Winchester was twenty-two when life as he knew came to an end. His father and brother had just had the last fight that would ever take place between them. It was over with warnings never to return as Sam walked out the door, possessions in hand, to go off to college. He hadn’t given a second thought to his brother – the man who’d raised him, cared for him, protected him. He didn’t even say goodbye, just slammed the door behind him. Dean, on the other hand, felt compelled to stay with his self-destructing father for the next week while they finished the hunt they’d been on. The two men hardly spoke though and when they did, it was either about the case or food. When the hunt finished and they had obliterated the evil son of a bitch, Dean got a few hours of sleep before waking early the next day with a grin. His father was nowhere to be seen so he quickly showered, packed, and was about to make a phone call when it rang in his hand. He smiled widely when he saw the caller ID. “Hey, I was just about to call you,” he said happily.

 _“You were?”_

“Yeah, we finished the job we were on.” He paused and took a breath. The next three words he spoke came out easier than he expected. “I’m quitting now. “

_”Did you tell your dad yet?”_

“No, but I don’t think he’ll be all that surprised when I say I’m leaving. Especially now that Sam’s gone. Besides, he prefers to hunt alone.”

_“But he’s gonna be pissed if you tell him you’re not hunting at all anymore.”_

“Well then…” he shrugged, despite it being a phone call. “I guess I just won’t mention that part.”

 _“So you’re really coming home?”_ The voice asked hopefully.

“For good this time. I’m not leaving you ever again,” he vowed.

_“Good, then I’ll have someone I can send out for a double fudge mint float at three am when the craving hits.”_

“Are you kidding me?” Dean asked with a laugh. “After last time, I’ll make sure to keep the house stocked.”

A chuckle came across the line before the person spoke again. _”So how far away are you?”_

“I can be there by midnight.”

 _“Oh, thank God,”_ came the relived response.

“What’s wrong?”

_“It’s nothing. I’m just a bit drained. I started getting a cold yesterday and it’s hard to keep up with Alex.”_

“Why didn’t you call—”

_“He has a life of his own. I didn’t want to bother him.”_

“Well then why didn’t you –” 

_“Because they’re down in Texas remember?”_

“Damn, woman! Are you _ever_ going to let me finish—”

_“Nope. Now, hang up the phone and get that gorgeous ass of yours in the car mister. We miss you.”_

“Miss you too. Try to get some rest and I’ll see you soon.”

“You’ll see who soon?” John asked as he walked through the door. 

Dean ended the call and stood, putting the phone in his pocket.  
“Dad, we need to talk,” he replied, not answering the question.

“You’re going after _him_ aren’t you?” John asked with a sneer.

“No, I’m not. He made his choice and now I’m making mine. I’m leaving,” Dean said sternly, his calm exterior unreflective of the nervousness within him.

“You’re just going to abandon me too, is that it?” The older man demanded, his chocolate eyes seething with anger.

“You like hunting alone. You don’t need me. I was only ever here to take care of Sam. Now that he’s gone, I have no reason to stay with you.”

“What about the thing that killed your mother?”

“You killed it six months ago!”

“So what then? You’re going to go off and live some normal life? You know what’s out there in the dark!”

“Yeah, I do, but I’m not going to be a hunter for the rest of my life. I know somewhere deep, way down inside you, you don’t want me to either. The only reason you’re even putting up a fight is because you don’t want to lose your soldier.” The words didn’t feel foreign, or wrong in his mouth, even though it had taken him this long to utter them – despite how many times he’d denied being just that. 

“You spent too much time with your brother,” John said, his anger slowly giving way to resignation.

“And whose fault is that?” Dean exploded. “You made me his father when I was four years old so that you could go out and hunt. Here’s a newsflash for you: Mom’s been gone for nearly 18 years. No matter how many evil things you kill, it’s not going to bring her back. It’s time for me to move on. Sam’s been raised and gone off to college. I don’t need to be his dad anymore. It’s time I stopped living for the both of you and started living my own life for me.”  
Dean grabbed his bag and headed out to the Impala. He tossed the bag onto the passenger seat and started the car. As he drove away, his father and his life as a hunter in the rearview, he finally felt free. He’d served his time and now he could do and be whatever he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually took the time to calculate the length of time it’ll take Dean to get to his destination using the top speed of the impala – 120mph and the formula time=distance/speed. Thank goodness for online calculators that do that for you though. Hate math. Also, bonus points to anyone who knows where the password comes from.

Dean was closing in on his destination when his phone rang. “Hey.”

_“Dean,”_ said a quiet, frightened voice. “Where are you?”

“I’m about an hour out. What’s wrong?”

_“Someone’s in the house.”_

”Get Alex, get in the panic room and don’t come out until I call you,” he instructed as he pressed his foot down harder on the gas, hanging up the call. He hit 3 on his speed dial, weaving his way through the late night traffic. 

_“Hello?”_ Came the gruff voice over the line.

“It’s me. There’s something in the house. I’m too far away.”

_“I’m on my way.”_

He tossed his phone on the seat next to him, pressing the gas pedal to the floor while praying to every deity he could think of that everything would be okay. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thirty two minutes later, with two state troopers on his ass, he pulled up to a house surrounded by police cars. He barely put the car in park before he was out of the door and rushing towards the house. He didn’t even make it to the porch before two deputies tried to stop him. “Sir, you can’t go in there. It’s an active crime scene.”

“The hell I can’t! This is my house! Alex! Ellie!” He shouted, trying to push his way through. 

“Dean!” A voice yelled from off to the right. 

“Let him through,” the sheriff ordered. As soon as the cops moved out of the way, he rushed over to the man and woman standing just inside the front door. 

“Bobby, what the hell is going on? Where’s my family?”

“Someone broke in. By the time I got here, El had already killed him, but she was hurt bad. Ambulance took her away twenty minutes ago.”

“Where’s Alex?”

“We cleared the entire house,” The sheriff said. “There’s no one else here.” Dean just looked at Bobby before bolting up the stairs. “You can’t go up there,” yelled the sheriff, running after him, the old hunter following her. Both men ignored her order and shoved their way into the master bedroom, carefully maneuvering around, but not really seeing the blood and debris all over, their main focus on the bookcase in the far right corner. Dean pulled on the copy of Moby Dick and the bookcase began to move. It opened less than a foot before there was a horrible grinding noise and it stopped. “Son of a bitch!” The hunter muttered. He put his foot on the wall and tried to push the entrance open further but it wouldn’t budge. “Damn it!”

“Guess that explains why El wasn’t in there,” Bobby said softly.

Unfortunately, Dean was a little too muscular and Bobby a little too pudgy to fit in the gap. “Alex,” Dean called softly, squatting in front of the opening. “Alex, baby, can you hear me?”

“Daddy?” Said a soft, little voice.

“It’s me baby. It’s safe now. Can you come out here?” Everything was quiet for a moment before he saw her standing in front of him on the inside of the room. 

“Christo,” She said clutching her brown teddy bear in her hands, staring up into his eyes. When they didn’t go black, she asked, “What’s the password?”

“Fuzzy22.”

The little blond haired girl ran into her father’s arms, burying her face in his neck as she cried. He quickly turned her face away from the mess in the room and rushed downstairs to the living room, where he sat with her on the couch. It took a while for her tears to taper off and for her to calm down. Once she did, the sheriff gently asked her what happened.

“I was sleeping in mommy and daddy’s room cause I wanted to be there when daddy got home. We were sleeping and mommy heard a noise. She woke me up and locked the door. She called 911 and then opened the wall. It was really loud and mommy couldn’t fit through. She gave me her necklace and told me to only come out for daddy or grampa if they gave the password. She said she loved me and closed the door. Where’s mommy?” She asked, looking around.

“Mommy got hurt honey,” Bobby said. “Daddy’s gonna go to the hospital to see her. You’re gonna come to my house with me.”

“Daddy?” She asked nervously, looking up at him with big green eyes.

“Grampa’s gonna take real good care of you til I get there okay?”

“Okay. But you’ll come soon right?”

“I promise. I love you baby,” Dean said, hugging her tightly.

“I love you too.”

“Come on peanut,” Bobby said, pulling her from her daddy’s lap and into his arms.

“Bobby—” The young hunter said tensely. 

“You got my word Dean.” The gruff old man gently cradled the tender package in his arms and left the house while Dean sat unmoving on the couch.

“Mr. Winchester? I’m Sheriff Jody Mills,” the woman sitting across from him said softly. “I understand how hard this is and I know you just want to get to the hospital, but I need to ask you a few questions. Where were you tonight?” 

“I uh—I’ve been out of town for a few weeks with my dad.”

“I spoke to the Troopers who said you were speeding and refused to pull over,” she said, nodding towards the men in the corner of the room. “Did you know what was happening?”

“Not at first. Ellie called me. She sounded scared…asked where I was. She knew I was on my way home, but I was still an hour away. She said someone was in the house. I told her to get in the panic room with Alex. I called Bobby. He’s a family friend. He’s only a few minutes from here. I told him something was in the house and he left his place to come here. I just floored it.”

“Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt your wife?”

“What?” He asked, shocked. “Of course not! Everyone loves Ellie. Do you think this was someone with a grudge?”

“We don’t know yet. We won’t know until we get a positive ID. From the looks of it, he came in here to do harm. Your wife put up one hell of a fight. She managed to stab him in the neck and kill him but she was hurt badly. Our crime techs will be here for a while and we’ll need a sample of your DNA as well as fingerprints so we can rule them out if we come across them. For now, I’ll have a deputy take you to the hospital.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TISSUE WARNING. (Quick note: I work in a hospital so anything mentioned below from the color of the scrubs to the postcard is how they do it at mine.)  
> TRIGGER WARNING: For those of you who have not read the original version of this story – I don’t want to give spoilers, but this chapter includes injuries to an infant (nothing too graphic) and the infant’s death. You can skip this chapter if you need to. Chapter 4 will pick up with Dean’s wife.

Dean had been sitting in the surgical waiting room for what felt like hours. He kept alternating between sitting with his right leg bouncing frantically and pacing. He couldn’t be still. He didn’t know how to be still. It had been almost eighteen years since his family was touched by tragedy. Back then, he’d lost the most important woman in his life. He could do nothing but pray to any and every deity he could think of that it didn’t happen again.

“Dean?” A woman in green scrubs called, a blue gown around her shoulders.

“Dr. Marx,” Dean replied as he stood. He shook his wife’s OBGYN’s hand and she motioned for him to sit. “How are they?”

“We had to do an emergency C-section as her belly took the brunt of the damage. The surgeons are still working on your wife and we had the top neonatal surgeon from Rapid City there for the delivery. I’m sorry son, but I’m afraid that the baby suffered severe injuries. They did everything they could, but the knife used was long enough to penetrate your wife’s belly deep enough to hit the baby. Several of his organs were damaged beyond repair. He would have already been fighting an uphill battle as a 26 weeker, but with the organ damage as well… I’m sorry Dean, but there’s nothing more we can do for him. We can keep him comfortable until…”

“Can—can I uh—can I see him?” he asked, his brain not fully registering the words he was hearing.

“Of course, we’ve prepared a private room for you,” Dr. Marx said as she stood. She led him down the hall and up to the maternity floor. She took him to the ante-partum unit where a nurse was waiting in a room with the baby in a crib. There were no patients in the surrounding rooms and there was a dark purple postcard with a leaf floating on water on it on the door. 

“Mr. Winchester,” the nurse said softly, “If there’s anything you need, just press the call bell. Our neonatologist will come to check on you in a little while. We’ll let you know if we receive an update on your wife.”

“Thanks. Is it okay if I pick him up?”

“Go ahead. He may not wake up…” The nurse was about to say ‘before he dies,’ but held her tongue.

The staff left him alone in the room then, closing the door behind them. Dean slowly made his way across the room, his eyes never leaving the pale bundle wrapped in a light blue blanket. He gently picked up his tiny son and sat down in the rocking chair next to the window. “Hi buddy. I’m your daddy,” he said softly, holding the baby close to his heart, trying to memorize every inch of his son’s face, from his blond hair to Ellie’s nose and ears to Dean’s lips. “This isn’t exactly how I pictured meeting you. I thought it would be more like Alex – your big sister. Four hours of pain and moaning and then bam! Healthy baby boy to expand our family. I never could have imagined… I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he murmured, doing his best to keep his emotions in check. There would be a time for tears, a time for mourning, but for now he needed to stay calm. He wanted his son to be relaxed. 

“Daddy’s here now though,” he continued, keeping his voice quiet. “I want you to know that you are so loved,” he said, running his finger over the baby’s face, tracing it into his mind. “Your mommy loves you, your sister loves you, your Grandpa Bobby loves you, and I love you. And I want you to know that I understand. I know that you’re hurting and broken. I know you can’t stay here with us as much as we want you to, so it’s okay to leave. Don’t try to be a tough guy like me. You don’t have to fight. Your Grandpa John would disagree. He’d say that Winchesters don’t ever give up, but it’s okay. Some things are just too hard to come back from. I’ll stay with you the whole time. I’m not going to leave you. When you’re ready, you can let go. Your Grandma Mary will be waiting and she’ll take good care of you. Until then, I’m just gonna hold on to you okay? Just remember how much mommy and daddy and your big sister Alex love you. You’ll always be in our hearts baby boy.” 

Dean didn’t speak again. He sat rocking his son, singing softly to him. He started with Always and Forever by Heatwave, the song his mother used to sing to him. For two and a half hours, he sang. The only time he stopped was when someone knocked on the door and entered the room. “Dean?” The visitor called softly. The hunter looked up briefly to see who it was before looking back down at the baby. 

“Hi Jim. Bobby call you?” 

“Yes. I got here as quickly as I could. If you’ll allow it, I’d like to baptize him for you,” the pastor offered. The younger man didn’t reply, just nodded his head. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Robert Dean Winchester, born August 29, 2001 at 12:18am, weighing in at just 2.06 lbs, at a length 14 inches, lived for exactly three hours and fifty-two minutes. He was held by his father for most of that, listening to the man’s deep voice as he sang. Any song that popped into Dean’s head became a lullaby. He couldn’t make himself stop. He’d dealt with a lot in his life, but losing a child, especially in such a violent way, was more painful than anything he’d ever experienced. 

Eventually he stopped rocking. Still staring at his son’s peaceful face, he said a prayer. “Mom, I know it’s been a while since…I need you now mom. I need you to take care of my boy. Watch over him for me please. I love you.”

Dean placed a kiss on his son’s forehead, a single tear landing on the baby’s face. He stood and gently laid the boy in the crib. He hit the call bell and waited for the nurse to answer. Instead of answering the bell, she simply turned it off and walked into the room. “Your wife’s still in surgery. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Dean didn’t say anything, just headed for the door. With one final look back, he left the room. His son would just be a memory now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline note (regarding the baby’s birthday): The series started in 2005, so Sam would have left for college in 2001 when he was eighteen and Dean 22. I don’t know when Stanford would have started their semester back then, but at my college we moved in toward the end of August. So for the purposes of this story, Sam leaves on August 20th. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The school name is made up, as is the attacker’s name. The hospital is real though.

Since arriving at the hospital, seven hours had passed, during which there had been six cups of coffee, five aborted phone calls, four cigarettes, three snickers, two bathroom trips and one full hour of pacing before a doctor came to the waiting room. “Mr. Winchester?”

“That’s me. How’s my wife?”

“We’re hopeful—”

“Don’t sugarcoat things for me, just tell me the truth. How bad is it?”

“It’s not great,” the doctor said with a sigh. She led Dean over to the chairs and sat facing him. “Whoever attacked her knew what they were doing. He went for maximum damage with a minimal number of stabs. She has damage to both kidneys, her liver, her left lung, her stomach, and her intestines. We had to remove her spleen and appendix and perform a hysterectomy. She suffered severe blood loss. We’ve had to do numerous transfusions and even now she’s still getting blood. Several of her ribs were broken as well as her left wrist. Her left arm also suffered several deep lacerations from trying to block the attacks. There will most likely be permanent nerve damage.”

“Can she survive all that?” The young hunter asked in shock.

“Honestly? It will be a miracle if she survives the next twenty-four hours. We lost her three times on the table, but got her back each time. We currently have her in a medically induced coma and she’s on life support. She is fighting very hard.”

“I need to see her.”

“We have her in the ICU. Be prepared, there will be a lot of tubes and wires. Her nurse will be just outside the room if you need anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean stood in the doorway of his wife’s room, a single light above the bed illuminating the darkness pressing in on him. After taking a deep breath, he slowly moved into the room. He collapsed in the chair on the side of the bed, carefully taking her right hand in his. It was all he could do to hold off the tears as the memories assaulted him.

_It was Dean’s eighteenth birthday. His dad was no where to be found, as usual. Sam had made him dinner and a cake and the two spent the evening watching old horror flicks on TV. When his little brother fell asleep around 11pm, he made sure their small apartment was locked up and warded properly and left. He’d been invited to a party that night and decided to check it out. It was at that party that he met the love of his life._

_Joselyn Rose Preston was the captain of the volleyball team at the Baldwin School in Connecticut. It was an all girl’s school, and Joselyn was the most beautiful. She had long, curly auburn hair, deep blue eyes, luscious pink lips and her skin was perfectly tanned. Her body was toned, but not overly so. She had an hourglass figure and long, sexy legs. For a change, her beauty had no effect on the young hunter. It was her eyes that drew Dean to her. They seemed to be…haunted almost, definitely too old for one so young. She kept track of her friends and the exits, her back to the wall at all times. She must have sensed something familiar in him because when he asked her out, she immediately agreed._

_The two went on a date every night for three straight weeks and yet they did nothing more than kiss. Joselyn was a virgin and for once, Dean wasn’t in a hurry to bed her and move on. He knew they’d be staying in town another five months or so while they finished the school year. Well, while_ Sam _finished the school year. The older Winchester had gotten his GED at the age of 15 and became an apprentice electrician at 16. He had just one more year of training before he could become a journeyman electrician and eventually after that a master. It was work he was good at and enjoyed. He also made enough to afford an apartment and be able to take care of his brother while their dad was off hunting. He’d drop Sam off at school then head to work._

_Another reason Dean didn’t rush things with Joselyn was that he enjoyed her company. She’d become his best friend in just a matter of days. They talked about anything and everything, from how much she hated the life her parents were forcing on her to music to the supernatural. Joselyn had discovered Dean was a hunter when she saw the necklace he was wearing, an ancient protection amulet. Ironically, it was the mate of his own amulet. It was a set that had been separated two hundred years prior. Her grandmother had come across the female amulet and given it to Joselyn for her 16th birthday. She then explained that her grandmother had been a hunter and made sure she was trained – in secret, of course. It wasn’t something a “proper girl” did, according to her mother._

_On their one month anniversary, Joselyn invited Dean to her house, where she cooked him dinner. Her parents were out of town for the weekend. That was the first night the two slept together. Their lovemaking was intense—electric—and the best sex Dean had ever had. After that night, their bond strengthened and grew even more._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Dean was waiting for his girlfriend to emerge from her house so he could take them to school. He’d been picking her up for school every morning since they started dating over three months ago. This day was a rarity though. Sam had to go in early to finish a project so it would just be the two of them. Dean was excited, until he saw Joselyn come out of her house. He immediately knew something was wrong. Her face was pale, her eyes puffy and bloodshot and her hair, which was usually pristinely styled, was pulled back in a messy bun. She was wearing sneakers, black yoga pants, and one of Dean’s green flannel button downs. The only time he’d seen her dress so casually was either when she was sick or going to bed._

_As soon as she got in the car, he nervously blurted out, “What’s wrong?”_

_“Can we—can we just go somewhere? I need to talk to you."_

_“Yeah, sure,” he agreed as he started the car. The only place he could think of was the park near his apartment, so that’s where he drove them. Joselyn got out at the exact moment the car stopped moving and walked towards the swings. It was still early so the park was abandoned, something Dean was grateful for as he made his way over to his somber girlfriend._

_“Dean I-” Joselyn turned, half sitting on a swing, “I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just gonna do it quick. Like ripping off a band-aid.” She took a deep breath, staring at her feet, hands wrapped tight on the chains of the swing she was leaning on. “The past few days, I’ve been kinda nauseous and sometimes throwing up in the morning, but by the afternoon, I feel fine. I didn’t really think anything of it, until I realized that I’m late—” She swallowed thickly. “Very late. Yesterday I took a test and it was positive. I’m pregnant.” Joselyn braced herself as she stopped talking. She was expecting her boyfriend to scream, yell, deny it, call her liar… but none of that happened. He simply asked, in a very calm voice, “Did you see your doctor yet?”_

_“No. Why?” She asked, her voice genuinely confused, meeting his eyes for the first time that morning._

_“Sometimes, pregnancy tests can give you a false positive. I’m not saying you’re lying, just—why don’t we go to the free clinic in the next town and have them do a professional test? We should be one hundred percent sure before we start freaking out okay?” She nodded, eyes landing back on her feet. Dean ached with the distance between them._

~~~~~~~~~~

_Two days later:_

_The couple sat next to each other on the couch in Dean’s apartment, staring blankly at the television. Sam was at school for Saturday soccer practice. The older Winchester was just hoping the clinic called before his brother got home._

_Half an hour later, as the credits to the movie began rolling, Dean’s cell phone rang startling them both. “It’s them,” he said as he sat up. Joselyn sat up too and took the phone from him. “Hello? … This is she. … Are you sure? … Alright. Thank you.” She ended the call and handed the phone back._

_“It was positive wasn’t it?” It wasn’t even really a question at this point._

_“Yes. I’m officially pregnant,” she stared across the room, unconsciously putting space between them, “What are we going to do?”_

_“What do you want to do? It’s your body.”_

_“I love you Dean. I know this is going to be hard, but—I think I want to keep it,” she pulled her lower lip between her teeth, closing her eyes against tears._

_“Then we keep it,” Dean agreed, wanting to make it clear he was in this, too. “I love you Joselyn. I always will. I will be by your side every step of the way. We’ll figure everything else out later,” he said, pulling her into his arms._

“Mr. Winchester? Mr. Winchester?” The female voice penetrated Dean’s brain, bringing him back to the present. He turned from his wife to see the sheriff he’d spoken to at his house standing next to a man in a black trench coat.

“How can I help you Sheriff? Agent?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but I just have a few more questions for you. Can we step outside for a few minutes?” The sheriff asked. 

The hunter nodded, releasing his wife’s hand. He stood and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back soon baby,” he whispered before following them down the hall to the family conference room. The trio sat and a recording device was placed on the table between them. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, so I’m going to make this as brief as possible,” the man in the trench coat said. “I’m Agent Phillips of the FBI. I know Sheriff Mills asked you some of these questions already, but I need an official recording for my report. Where were you last night?”

“I’ve uh—” he stopped to clear his throat. “I’ve been out of town for a while with my dad.”

“Did you know there was an intruder in the house?”

“Yeah, El called me.” 

“Can you just walk us through your day?”  
Dean did just that, explaining everything from leaving his dad, to the call from his wife, his call to Bobby and everything in between.

“So the room where your daughter was hiding was a panic room?”

“Yeah. Something’s wrong with the door though. It wouldn’t open all the way, that’s why El—”

“That’s okay son, I don’t have anymore questions. Our techs finished with your house. We locked it up, but the back door is boarded and padlocked, since it was busted open.”

“Whenever your ready, a copy of the key will be at my office,” the sheriff said. “I’ve taken care of everything with the state troopers who were tailing you as well.” 

“Thanks. Do you figure out who did this?”

“When Sheriff Mills ran the prints, it flagged our system,” Agent Phillips explained. “The FBI has been trying to track this guy for a while. He’s a serial killer named Carl Ray Evans. He’s killed women in four states. He targets pregnant women – tracks them, goes after them when they’re alone, abducts them. I’ll spare you the details. Your wife was the only one to get away, to survive. She put up one hell of a fight.” No one spoke for nearly a minute, before the agent stood. “We’ll let you get back to your wife. If there’s anything we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to call,” he said, handing Dean his card. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

The agent and the sheriff both left the room after that. The hunter sat in silence for a while before pulling out his cell phone. _“It is ass o’clock in the morning, this better be important,”_ a gravely voice muttered angrily.

“Chris—” Dean said softly, his voice breaking.

_“What happened?”_ The other man asked, instantly awake. 

“It’s El. She—she was attacked. The baby—” He swallowed harshly, still unable to grasp, let alone… “Gone,” he whispered, unable to speak the word any louder.

_”Is Alex—”_

“She’s fine. She’s at Bobby’s.”

_”Thank God. And El? How bad is she hurt?”_

“Bad. Doc’s don’t think she’s gonna pull through.”

_”Hang tight buddy. We’re leaving right now, we’ll be there in a few hours.”_

The call ended with no other words spoken. Dean wanted nothing more than to go back to his wife, but he still had one call left to make. This one would be the hardest as it was to someone he hadn’t spoken to in a long time. He took a few deep breaths before finding the contact in his phonebook and hitting send. After two rings a cheery voice came across the line. _“Clayton Medical Supplies, Mr. Preston’s office, how may I help you?”_

“My name’s Dean Winchester. I need to speak to Mr. Preston.”

_“I’m sorry sir, but he’s in a meeting. I’d be happy to take a message.”_

“This is an emergency. It’s about his daughter.” 

_“Hold on please.”_

While he listened to Chopin’s Nocturne Op. 9, and yes he knew the song, the secretary for one Charles Preston III, CEO of Clayton Medical Supplies, interrupted a meeting. Nearly two minutes of the song later, a man came on the phone. _“Dean? What is it? Is Joselyn alright?”_

“No sir, she’s not. You need to get out here as soon as possible. She was attacked. It’s not good.”

_“What hospital?”_

“Avera McKennan in Sioux Falls.”

_“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”_

Dean hung up the phone and slowly made his way back to his wife’s room, once again taking up residence in the chair next to her bed. Though just twenty-two years of age, the hunter felt weary all the way down to his bones, as if he’d aged sixty years. He took Ellie’s right hand in his once again, placing a kiss to the back of it. “Hey babe. Your dad’s on his way. The guys are coming too. I’m not leaving your side. I’m staying right here. Alex is safe at Bobby’s. Just do me one favor. Fight baby. You fought for us once, please do it again. I can’t lose you too Joselyn.” He put his head down on the bed next to her arm and finally, finally let the tears flow.


	5. Chapter 5

Eighteen hours had passed since Joselyn had first been admitted to the hospital. Her condition hadn’t worsened, but it hadn’t improved either. Her father had come to see her. He stayed for a while, preparing himself to say goodbye to his daughter. He’d buried the hatchet with Dean while he was there as well. She’d also had visits from her cousin Steve, their friend TJ and Dean’s best friend Chris. The three were in a band together and they were all very close to the couple. They were Alex’s uncles. She was left with them when Bobby took his turn to visit the hospital. 

The young hunter had barely left his wife’s bedside. He couldn’t bear to be away from her for long. Though not policy, the nurse had brought him a reclining chair so he could try to get some sleep. He had just closed his eyes for a moment, his hand still grasping his wife’s, when he felt something on his shoulder. **He turned to see Joselyn standing there holding their son. Her long hair was flowing down her back, the gray hospital gown making her look pale. He turned his head around to see her still lying in bed, hooked up to machines. When he looked back over his shoulder, he saw her flicker for just a moment. “No,” he whispered, not wanting to believe what he was seeing.**

**“It’s me Dean. I’ve been wandering the hospital pretty much since I got here. I saw you with our boy. I have him with me,” she said, gently jiggling the bundle in her arms. “My reaper let me take him. She’s letting me speak to you now.”**

**“In a dream.” He knew it without having to ask.**

**“It’s the only way you could see me. And we need to talk. I need to tell you that this is not your fault.”**

**“Yes it is. I wasn’t there to protect you.”**

**“You couldn’t have known. No one could have.”**

**“I still should have done something. I could have left sooner, driven faster,” he argued.**

**“Dean,” she said softly, placing her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes, surprised to feel her warmth. “This wasn’t your fault. You left early and you did drive fast. You couldn’t have gotten here any sooner.”**

**“What about the panic room? The door wouldn’t open all the way. It has to be because of the roof damage from that blizzard.”**

**“That storm was nearly two years ago. You checked all the walls and they didn’t have water damage. You couldn’t have known. We never use the panic room. It was meant for supernatural protection, not human. Whose to say that if I was in there, he wouldn’t have found his way in.”**

**“You should have kept your protection amulet.” He said, changing up his argument.**

**“I gave it to our little girl to protect her. Everything I did was to protect her.”**

**“It was my responsibility to protect her, to protect you. I should have been there. I should have made you stay with Bobby. I should have –”**

**“Johnathan. Dean. Winchester.” Joselyn interrupted, accentuating each of his names. “You say those words one more time and I’ll become your personal poltergeist. What happened was tragic, but it was _not_ your fault. I promise you that there was nothing you could have done. That man was obsessed. Even if you were home, he would have found another way to get me. At least this way I was found quick and we’re not decaying in a ditch somewhere after being brutally tortured. I saved our daughter. I saved the next woman he would’ve targeted and the next. Don’t do this. Don’t make my death mean nothing.” **

**“No. No, no, no! You’re _not_ gonna die! I can’t lose you!” Dean protested. **

**“You don’t have a choice. I’ve already gone over all the options. I can go peacefully, with our son, or I can stay and eventually become an angry spirit, something for you to hunt. Dean, you need to let me go.”**

**“I don’t know how,” he admitted softly, his eyes watering.**

**“Focus on Alex. She’s going to need you now more than ever. You saved me you know,” she replied with a smile, tears flowing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I have to leave you. I wish we had more time together.”**

**“You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you Joselyn Rose Winchester. I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”**

**“I’ll always be with you. I love you baby,” she whispered, placing a kiss on his lips.**

Dean woke to the sound of his wife’s heart monitor flat lining. Several nurses rushed into the room, one about to hit the code blue button, but he stopped her. “You don’t have to do anything. She’s gone.”


	6. Chapter 6

The following two days were a blur of activity for Dean Winchester as all the arrangements were made. Steve wrote the obituary for his cousin and sent it off to the local papers. The wake was to take place the following afternoon at the Hanson Funeral Home, run by a man who was a friend of Bobby’s. The cremation would take place after the wake and the man would make sure the bodies were salted before burning. 

For his own part, once all the arrangements were done, Dean shut down. He was so numb to everyone and everything around him. He spent the majority of his time out in the junkyard, working on a 1957 Chevy Bel Air. He knew he should have spent more time with his daughter, try to explain to her what happened…but he just didn’t have it in him. He remembered what it was like to be four years old, have your mother tuck you into bed, and then be gone when you woke up. He knew that no matter what he said, Alex would never understand completely…not until she was older anyways. Chris and Bobby had talked to her though. They told her that her mommy loved her very much, but that sometimes bad things happened and the people you love get taken away. They told her that now her mommy was in heaven, but would always be with her in her heart. The poor girl cried for hours. After that though, she put on a brave face. She may have been young, but she could see how sad her daddy was. She watched over him from the porch, made sure he always had something to drink; made sure he came inside to eat with everyone. 

“Deanie,” Chris called softly as he approached the car his friend was currently under. Dean rolled out from underneath it to look up at his friend. “There’s something brewing up at the house. You should go.”  
Dean didn’t say anything, just stood and headed to the house. He entered through the basement, using the bathroom down there to wash up, changing into dark, faded jeans, a black t-shirt, and his brown/beige checkered button down, leaving it open. He held his cuff for a moment longer than he needed to as he folded the sleeves up… Joselyn always said she loved the way it brought out his eyes. It was her favorite shirt.

He sighed and headed up the stairs toward the kitchen. Before he even got to the top he heard the one voice he never wanted to hear again.

“She will be taken back to Connecticut for the funeral. She will of course be interred with the rest of the family,” the woman informed Bobby, oblivious to the man on the stairs.

“No, she won’t,” Dean said sternly when he reached the den. The woman turned to him, disgust in her hazel eyes. She was impeccably dressed, as always, in a charcoal gray suit with matching shoes which probably cost more than the profits from the last ten cars Bobby had fixed and sold. Her dark brown hair was pulled back tightly into a French Twist. Her face was creaseless and devoid of emotion. “This is a Preston matter,” she said pompously. 

“It does not concern you.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” Dean exploded. “Joselyn is _my_ wife! She is a Winchester _not_ a Preston. You,” he said pointing his finger at the woman, “disowned her the minute she told you she was pregnant at 18. The wake will be here, where she lived, where her friends are—where her family is. Then she will be cremated, like she wanted. I will do with her ashes what we discussed. This is all in her will, which is iron clad. You have no say in the matter and trust me lady, you do not want to get in my way. You can come to the wake if you want, but quite frankly I think you should fuck off.” Dean lowered his voice, a dangerous edge to it. “We both know you never loved Joselyn and the only reason you want her moved to Connecticut is so you can put on a show for all your little society friends. Well, there is no one fancy here that you’ll have to posture for, so you can just go back home. Jos wouldn’t want you here and neither do I. Now,” he smiled, pulling the double barrel Remington out from behind the bookcase next to him, raising it to the woman’s face. “Get the hell out of this house and stay the fuck away from my family.”

Susannah Preston gasped an undignified squawk and hurried from the house, slamming the door behind her. “Damn, that felt good,” Dean sighed.

“Bet she’s never moved so fast in her life,” Bobby said with a chuckle as he took the gun from the younger hunter. The safety wasn’t even off.

“Woulda been better if you actually shot her,” Chris commented, walking into the room.

“Oh, please. With the amount of Botox she’s got in her face, it woulda just ricocheted,” Dean admitted. The three men burst out into full, deep belly laughs.

Distraction 1, grief 0.


	7. Chapter 7

“Dean?” Sam called softly as he approached the car his brother was currently under. Dean rolled out from underneath it and got up to get a socket wrench off the makeshift table he was using for tools. “Dean, it’s almost time to go. You should head in and get ready.”

The wrench crashed down onto the table, the older man’s hands balling into fists at his sides. He wanted to scream, to say that he wasn’t ready—that he’d never be ready. Ellie wouldn’t care if he showed up covered in grease or wearing a tux. She was gone now. The love of his life was gone. Nothing was ever going to bring her back. Over the past ten years, he’d seen a lot of corpses burned—done a lot of that burning himself. But how the hell was he supposed to prepare to see his beautiful wife and his baby boy burned to ashes? How the hell was he supposed to go on living, raise Alex by himself? How the hell was he supposed to say goodbye?

“Dean?” Sam said gently.

Dean cleared his throat, walked past Sam, not even looking up at his brother as he moved to go inside. The younger man sighed, unsure of what to do. He’d come as soon as he found out, but aside from just being there, he didn’t know what he could possibly do to help.

_It was late, nearly midnight. Dean sat sideways on the stairs of Bobby’s porch, a 1/2 empty bottle of whiskey at his side, a cigarette in his hands. He was staring sightlessly at the sky. “I thought you stopped smoking,” a voice called from the driveway. He slowly turned his head to find the last person he expected standing there, a bag over one shoulder, the shoulders slightly hunched, hands deep in the pockets of the jacket he wore._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“I um—I saw what happened on the news. I called Bobby and he verified it.”_

_“You didn’t have to come. You just started school.”_

_“You’re my brother, of course I’d come.”_

_“Didn’t feel much like your brother when you turned your back on me,” Dean said bitterly._

_“I’m sorry,” Sam said, looking at the older man with those big puppy dog eyes of his. He took a few steps closer and apologized again. “I’m sorry about all of it. I was pissed at dad and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out a way to make it up to you.”_

_“Apology accepted,” Dean replied gruffly, taking a drag from the cigarette followed by a whiskey chaser. He watched as Sam walked up the driveway, tossing his duffel at the corner of the porch before taking a seat on the step below him. Sam sat sideways as well, but in the opposite direction so he was facing his brother._

_“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” The younger man asked softly. “I remember Joselyn. You guys were together practically the whole time we were in Connecticut. She even lived with us for two months. I really liked her.”_

_“I didn’t mean to keep it all from you, just– I didn’t talk about it. I couldn’t risk dad finding out.”_

_“He’s going to know now. It was all over the news, the paper.”_

_“Great,” Dean muttered, taking a long drink of the whiskey._

_“Is there anything I can do?”_

_“Not unless you have a time machine Sammy.”_

_The two brothers sat together in silence after that, passing the liquor, and the cigarette, back and forth between them, the older taking strength just from the presence of the other._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean sat in the front row of chairs that had been set up in the funeral parlor. Bobby sat next to him on one side, Alex on his lap, with Charles next to them. Sam sat on his brother’s other side with Chris, TJ and Steve. The wake was scheduled to be three hours and at the end of that time, Pastor Jim moved to the front of the room. He performed a prayer service as there would be no funeral. When he had finished, he informed everyone that there was a repass set up in the hall attached to the funeral home for everyone to get refreshments and reminiscence once they said their final goodbyes.   
Chris got up first, moving over to the half open casket. The mortician had done an excellent job with the makeup, covering the bruises from the attack. The baby was wrapped in a white blanket, only his face and head visible, nestled into his mothers left side. Chris placed four roses next to her right side. Pink, symbolizing grace and admiration; yellow, symbolizing friendship; white symbolizing purity and remembrance; finally, there was an orange rose which represented the excitement and passion Joselyn had shown for her life. While still leaning down over her he kissed her forehead and whispered, “Don’t worry baby girl. I’ll look after ‘em for you.”

He returned to his seat, reaching his arm across the back of the chairs to put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. One by one, the people in the room began to go up to the casket, saying their goodbyes before retiring to the room next door where they could get drunk and talk about their friend. Later, once the room was cleared of everyone, Dean sat silently, unable to move from his chair. His brother and his friends had taken Alex next door after they said their goodbyes. Bobby had left the room shortly after them, his eyes watery. He decided to wait until the cremation to say his own farewell. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey baby,” Dean said softly as he laid down in the bed with his daughter.

“Hi Daddy,” she replied softly, rubbing her eyes with her fists before turning onto her side to face him. He could clearly see the tear tracks on her face. 

“I want to show you something.” He pulled his wallet from his pocket and took out a picture. “This is me with my mom. We took it about a month before she…went away.”

“Went away like mommy?” She asked, her eyes wide.

“She did. I was the same age you are now. It was sad and scary and I cried a lot, only I didn’t want my dad to see me cry. I knew that he was just as sad as me and I wanted to be strong for him. I waited until he was in bed, pulled my covers over my head and cried because I wanted my mom, but she wasn’t there anymore. You don’t have to be strong for me sweetheart,” he said, gently cupping her cheek with his hand. Alex was young, but she seemed to understand what he meant just fine. She curled into her daddy and let the tears come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Should I add more? Did you like the original better?


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